Eugene: 45+ Years of Protest Theater, Zero Accomplishments
If you’ve lived here long enough, you already know the script: protesters block traffic, smash some windows, chant about the downfall of capitalism…and nothing changes. Half a century of tantrums and broken glass has brought Eugene exactly zero victories. But hey, the rioters did get some great mugshots out of it.
The 1960s & 70s: Bomb First, Fail Fast
BREAKING: Animal Blood on ROTC Table Somehow Fails to End Vietnam
Campus radicals threw firebombs, dynamite, and even buckets of animal blood at ROTC recruiters. Their “revolution” ended with ROTC still on campus, the war still going, and the university paying for new windows. If there was a prize for expensive vandalism with zero effect, Eugene would have taken gold.
The 1990s: Eugene Declares Itself “Anarchist Capital of the U.S.”
LOCAL HEROES Smash Starbucks Window, Capitalism Immediately Collapses (Just Kidding)
Downtown riots, black bloc outfits, and lots of tear gas. Seattle even blamed Eugene anarchists for ruining the WTO protests in 1999. Result? Capitalism thrived, protesters got arrested, and Starbucks kept selling lattes—probably to the same kids who spray-painted “smash capitalism” on the walls.
The 2000s: Eco-Warriors With Matches
SUVs Still on the Road Despite ELF’s Best Arson Efforts
The Earth Liberation Front torched ranger stations, police stations, and SUVs. The FBI answered with Operation Backfire, handing down indictments like Oprah giving away cars. SUVs kept selling, oil kept pumping, and Eugene added “eco-terror capital” to its résumé of failure.
2011: Occupy Eugene — Camping for Nothing
Wall Street Trembles at Eugene Tent City… Nope, Never Happened
Occupy Eugene set up one of the longest-lasting camps in the nation. Drum circles, chants, tents—it had it all, except results. When it fizzled out, Wall Street was untouched, banks kept banking, and Washington Jefferson Park looked like Woodstock with fewer showers.
2020: The Summer of Bonfires and Broken Glass
Eugene Rioters Heroically Topple Traffic Cone, Declare Victory
The “uprising” included smashed windows, fires in the street, and statue-toppling. In the end, justice wasn’t served, but plenty of arrests were. Law enforcement restored order, protesters went home, and taxpayers got stuck with the cleanup bill—again.
2023–2025: Gaza Tents, Highway Blockades, and Nothing Else
Students Rename Building, War in Gaza Immediately Continues
The latest round of Eugene activism featured chained-together students, renamed campus buildings, and highway blockades. Their big win? The largest mass arrest in Eugene history: 52 people charged with disorderly conduct. Gaza didn’t change. University investments didn’t change. The streak of failure, however, remained unbroken.
The Final Scoreboard
- Bombings didn’t end wars.
- Riots didn’t end capitalism.
- Arsons didn’t save the planet.
- Occupy didn’t topple Wall Street.
- BLM didn’t dismantle police.
- Gaza encampments didn’t end war.
45 Years of Protest, Still Zero Accomplishments
Eugene’s protesters have perfected one thing: turning outrage into performance art with absolutely nothing to show for it. Fifty years from now, their grandkids will be blocking the same streets, spray-painting the same slogans, and accomplishing the same result: nothing.















