EUGENE, Ore. – Eugene’s finest hobby—rioting without results—made another appearance downtown this week. After a marathon 12-hour tantrum outside the old federal building, the protest ended exactly how everyone knew it would: arrests, spray paint, and a whole lot of nothing.

Federal law enforcement and DHS officers stepped in when the so-called “peaceful protesters” started lobbing rocks and metal objects at them. Because apparently the revolution now involves throwing garbage at professionals trained to handle actual danger. Unsurprisingly, the officers handled business with precision—three arrests for assaulting law enforcement and vandalism. Score one for order, zero for chaos.

Local protest personality “Pixie” gave her version of events, claiming the feds “attacked” people standing in front. Translation: the officers did their job and arrested the ones who crossed the line.

Eugene Police also stepped up to the plate, making two separate arrests.

• Ryan Steven Payne, a 28-year-old visitor from Portland (because Eugene always needs outside agitators to fill the ranks), was taken into custody after using pepper spray on another man. He’s now facing charges for unlawful use of mace and harassment.
• Cade Soren Watson, 19, of Eugene, was caught spray painting graffiti on the Ferry Street Bridge before being stopped in his car. Nothing says “down with the system” like scribbling your nickname in paint.

Their parents must be so proud.

Police Chief Chris Skinner made it clear: out-of-town agitators aren’t welcome, and Eugene officers will act when criminal behavior happens. Federal law enforcement echoed the same message, reminding everyone that throwing junk at cops doesn’t count as free speech—it counts as an arrest.

As always, the “supporters” are now camped outside Lane County Jail, waiting for their buddy to get released, still pretending this is 1968. Unfortunately for them, the country keeps moving, the system still stands, and the only thing they’ve successfully toppled is another late-night Taco Bell run.

Once again: police 5, rioters 0.